After a year and a half of hanging out with total sweethearts like Kasuga and Kiryu and the rest of the merry band, Majima is certainly a change of pace. Zhao hadn't been surprised, exactly, when Ichiban came home with three new pals in tow and his sights set on shaking up Japan's underworld again—that's like, his thing—but both Daigo and Saejima at least are more what Zhao has come to expect from Yakuza higher-ups. Quiet, serious, dangerous. You know: sticks in the mud (no offense, Kiryu-san! Love you, Kiryu-san!)
But Majima is only one of those three things, and it just so happens to be Zhao's favorite one. He's funny and capricious and rude too, which means he's just about perfect, by Zhao's (unfortunate) estimation.
And he's hot. Kiryu has the whole silver fox, hard body, perfect face thing going on. Ichiban is like a big exuberant puppy, rough and tumble and you're a bit head over heels before you even know it. But Majima is the licking blood off a blade sort of hot, which has always been Zhao's type, and it certainly doesn't hurt that seems allergic to closing any shirt or jacket that he wears. The fact that he's Kiryu's senior but he looks like that is actually insane, and the party have had a debate going in the group chat on how the fuck he's pulling that off since he arrived in town (much to Kasuga-kun's chagrin.)
So yeah, maybe he buys Majima a few rounds when he wanders in to Survive to find the man drinking alone. And then a few more after he gives what has to be the most... unique karaoke performance Zhao has ever seen. And then another couple for the hell of it because he's also drunk as fuck at that point and their very mysterious and even more exasperated bartender knows that of all the ragtag band of regulars that Adachi has inflicted upon him over the years, Zhao is the one who can actually cover an irresponsibly large tab when he comes in the next day. They still get kicked out after a handful of hours though, so Zhao coaxes, cajoles and corrals the Mad Dog into trekking through Ijincho's relatively spacious streets to his restaurant so he can cook something to soak up at least a little of the alcohol and keep them both from dying to atrocious hangovers in the morning. (And because he wants to impress the borderline mythical yakuza legend, sue him.)
He turns on Tian You's overhead light after slapping the wall next to the door a few times in search of the switch, and the old fluorescent tubes struggle and flicker for a few seconds before capitulating and illuminating the extremely humble interior of his little restaurant. It looks packed up for the night, stools turned upside-down and stacked on the two tables in the room, clean dishes and trays piled up by the sink, smelling like cleaning supplies instead of food or hot oil. Zhao grabs one of the stools off the tables and plops it onto the floor in front of the bar before scooting to the back to let Majima through too, since the place is not actually large enough for two grown men to walk into it side-by-side. "Majima-san~" he croons, slurred around the edges from excess drink as he slips around behind the counter and leans a hip against the sink to keep from toppling over. Despite his current state, he sounds plenty confident (and more than a little flirty, sue him again) when he offers: "What's your favorite Chinese food? I'll make the best version of it you've ever had."
Man, how funny was it to walk into this tiny little bar in Ijincho to find what Majima is SURE is Kashiwagi behind the counter, who was only saved from Majima's harassment once Zhao came in and distracted him. Or maybe it was the karaoke that finally distracted him, or the booze. Maybe the bartender made it a little stronger just to keep Majima from being too annoying. Either way, he managed to get sloppy drunk and then he doesn't remember when they left, but somehow they went from the bar to the streets outside. Despite everything, they managed not to get into any fistfights(Majima certainly didn't HELP in that way, Zhao must just know the best routes to avoid the most spicy of Ijincho's denizens) and they ended up in a darkened restaurant.
At first, Majima certainly just thinks they're breaking into someplace because he probably just didn't pay attention while Zhao unlocked the place, so he goes quiet, watching as the other guy turns on the lights and gets behind the counter. Oh, this is probably not criminal acts, huh? He just expected some crimes. Any night on the town can go in that direction, after all, especially between Majima and Zhao, two of Japan's crime-iest boys.
"Eh? Chinese food, huh?" Guess it makes sense. Zhao is that 'prince of the Liumang' or whatever, right? That offshoot from the Snake Flower Triad after they butted heads with the Tojo in Kamurocho. Hard to believe it, with the casual saunter and those shades that seem to be hiding his eyes, that slicked-back hairstyle that reads to Majima more as some young punk than a crime boss. But EH, Majima doesn't really care about that past or anything, it just puts some stuff into context, even in his jumbled up drunken brain. "How 'bout some chili shrimp, then?" he asks as he grabs the offered stool and climbs his way onto it, not without some struggle. Honestly, when even was the last time he had Chinese food?
Oh hell yes, his specialty. Zhao grins, and sloshes his way over to the commercial refrigerator against the back wall. "Coming right up," he remembers to say, a touch belatedly, as he plucks the necessary ingredients out and tosses them onto the counter. He washes the rice first, since it'll take the longest to cook, but moves on quickly to shelling the shrimp once he's got a small pot of it on the stove. No point in breaking out the industrial sized rice cooker for just two people.
He also, very kindly, doesn't say anything about Majima's less than graceful clamber onto the stool. Hopefully the curtesy is returned, what with the clumsy, slow cuts he's making, and the way the shrimp seem to keep escaping his slippery fingers like they're alive. Minor details, all. "The bartender sure was pouring heavy tonight, huh?" he asks, having caught onto at least a little bit of the weird tension between their newest old guard friends and the mysterious man who has been mostly silently pouring them drinks for the past couple years (and occasionally helping Kasuga and Kiryu be nosy busybodies in their friend's lives.) "Generous of him, don't you think?" He should really not be fishing for details now, when there's no way he's going to remember them in the morning, but alas.
He moves on from the shrimp, and plucks a few red chilis out of their container, before eyeing Majima again over the tops of his tinted sunglasses (which have slid a bit down his nose.) "How hot can you handle, Majima-san?" He wiggles his eyebrows as he asks, because he's incorrigible.
As if Majima would call Zhao out on any sloppy cutting! He is barely coherent enough to notice the issue with how he climbed onto his current perch, and he is concentrating on staying on the stool now. Whatever Zhao is doing behind the counter may as well be witchcraft as far as Majima is concerned.
He sighs and leans onto the counter, watching Zhao but only barely, as something to keep his interest before he makes the comment on the strength of the drinks. Now normally he is at least thoughtful enough not to out someone who doesn't want to be outed, but while keeping him absolutely trashed was a great way for Majima to not bother the bartender directly, it does make his tongue a little more loose than it ought to be in his 'profession'. "He was just distractin' me. Seems he don't like seeing his old coworkers no more", he gives an exaggerated(and very fake) sniffle, frowning and resting his head in his arms. "Guy was never a big fan o' mine anyway. Still, can't believe he faked his death. Guess it's pretty fair, what with how the yakuza are bein' treated trying to get a job now that they're out." He is sure the guy has a fake name, otherwise how would he have gotten to own a bar like that? It's pretty roomy, considering the bars in Kamurocho, and heck! A bunch of the bars in Ijincho, too!
As for spice...
"I don't know, the regular amount???" He's no shrinking violet when it comes to spicy food, but for some reason all he can remember right now is Jeff and that weirdly spicy taco, and how it ended up with Majima on the ground, yelling about the spice. There are certainly UPPER limits to his tolerance. "Don't use no fuckin'.... devil's fingers or whatever."
Zhao gapes, then leans in excitedly, knife in one hand and a sad little naked shrimp in the other. The fact that he doesn't stick his elbow in the bowl with the rest of them is almost a miracle. "Majima-san!" His sunglasses slide further down his nose, and for a moment he looks down at his two occupied hands completely at a loss for how to fix the situation. Then he uses the back of the knife to clumsily push them up into place again, like a genius.
Or an idiot. One of those.
"You have to tell me everything. We've got a betting pool going in the group chat and I'll split the winnings with you! 70/30, your favor." It's like a piddly 500 yen or something because most of the party is dirt poor, but Majima doesn't need to know that. Zhao wants those bragging rights. "What's his name? It can't be Mr. Bartender, can it? Is he single?" Zhao is getting off track here. "Wait, wait— did he and Kiryu-san used to be a thing? They are so weird around each other!" He cannot ask Kiryu-san himself, because watching the two of them awkwardly interact is hilarious and he would hate to rock the boat so much that it stops happening when he's around.
At the mention of devil's fingers, Zhao's eyebrows pop up comically high above his sunglasses lenses. "Whoa, devil's claw? I'm not trying to kill you." Zhao will never forget the kimchi that Kasuga was hauling around back when he first joined up. It almost took him out, even wrecked his palette for days after. He'd think it was a prank, if it were anyone but Kasuga-kun who gave it to him.
With that chilling memory in mind, he glances over at the ingredients he'd pulled out, and puts back a couple of the peppers just to be safe. "You know, you remind me of Kasuga-kun way more than I thought you would." How do these Yakuza boys get themselves into so many shenanigans?
Majima snorts a little, holding back a laugh at the idea that Kiryu and ANYONE were ever 'a thing'. That boy wouldn't know flirting if someone, say someone about 6'1" in a snakeskin jacket, repeatedly fist-fought him and then helped him out over the past 4 decades at LEAST. Which is flirting, for sure.
"I don't know if Kiryu-chan has ever been kissed, nevermind having a thing with Kashiwagi", he drops the name like it's no big deal, but mostly he's just forgotten it was a secret. Enough alcohol will do that to ya. "Well, not that ya mention it, he mighta had a girl sometime in the early 2000s. But nah, that guy is... was? He was Kiryu's dad's right-hand man, kinda more like an uncle to him, I think." Majima honestly did not pay that much attention to Kiryu's other relationships. He knows Haruka alright because he kidnapped her once upon a time. Good times... but he's getting distracted! Majima shakes his head in an attempt to get it put on right. It doesn't work.
"I dunno what that's s'posed to mean, but ya better not be callin' me a dope", he says, pointing a finger accusingly! Kasuga is a good fighter! Majima can admit that much, but he's also a good kid(45yr old kid) and Majima is anything but 'a good kid'.
Hold the phone. Nothing else matters here because: "What?" Zhao finally moves on from the shrimp to dice up everything else, barely looking down at it as he makes his way through peppers and garlic and shallots and scallions with the practiced ease of someone who cooks all day every day. He squints at Majima over the counter like he's trying to figure out if his leg is getting pulled, which is a novel feeling because normally he's on the other side doing the pulling. "There's no way. He looks like that, and he hasn't been kissed since the 2000s?!"
That brings up some pretty insane possibilities. Like, what if Kiryu is not ignoring Seonhee's extremely obvious interest because he's polite, but because he doesn't realize?
Gears turn almost visibly behind Zhao's barely focused eyes. Kiryu-san, just give him one singular chance... "Just a girl? No guys?" Normally he wouldn't be so blatant—even he, looking like he does, tries for a little more plausible deniability when speaking with anyone in the business from prior generations—but he's drunk off his ass and like. Look at Majima. He's not that nervous about it. "Wait. Then, that means you two don't have a thing?" The Kiryu-chans and the don't you dare leave and the fact that he's here helping Ichiban at all, just because Kiryu demanded it... Kiryu definitely does not outrank Majima, even if he can still manage to out-fight him with some help. "Then what's with the whole—" He draws a circle through the air around Majima from his perspective with the tip of his knife, diced scallions still sticking to one side of it. What's with the whole everything about you, he's asking, but he's too sloshed to do it in as many words.
And maybe people (not naming names) in Kasuga-kun~ filled glass houses shouldn't throw stones, but never mind that. He strategically doesn't clarify what he meant either, with the comparison between the two of them. This stuff is way more important.
Majima is from an older generation. A weirder one, one that doesn't acknowledge or even understand it's own feelings, so even just the insinuation means Majima has to do some thinking. And that's definitely not just the booze! He squints at Zhao, replaying the words in his head and the finger motions and all, trying to figure out what it means. He hates to assume, but the mix of being drunk and being the impulsive little shit that he is takes over once he thinks he's grasping the question.
He slams a hand onto the counter, craning his neck toward Zhao as he leans in like he might jump over the counter and ???? Start a fight maybe??? "What the hell do ya mean by that?!" he says and mocks the gesture Zhao did to him, pointing back at the guy and waggling his finger, blessedly not grabbing a knife to copy it more accurately.
"Kiryu-chan and I just respect each other a lot is all! He's strong, n' has a lotta conviction in his beliefs n' stuff! And I dunno, he must respect me too cuz he sometimes calls me up and relies on me for whatever!" That's all! It's respect! Respect is why Majima stalks Kiryu and pulls a knife on him and also jumps in front of knives for Kiryu and and and-
Okay, maybe he is a little obsessed. Majima flops back down in his seat, defeated. "Everyone loves Kiryu-chan. Hard not ta. Just get a load of the look on his face, always so serious. He puts everything into anythin' he does, never does anythin' by half-measures. Don't matter if it's fightin' fer his life, or karaoke, a shootout, or playin' a kid's racing game." It's not weird for him to think highly of Kiryu! Everyone does! Majima isn't special in that way! And he's not delusional enough to think that it goes both ways. Sure, it isn't like he's not important to Kiryu, but he sure as hell isn't any more important than anyone else to him. Kiryu loves everyone equally, Majima thinks. Ugh. Gross. He hates the fact that he might wish it were otherwise, so he will just stuff that feeling down somewhere.
"It's like Kasuga with you guys, right? The guy has a draw to him, but wouldn't know how to handle a woman if his life depended on it. Or a man, probably."
Zhao takes a hasty step back when Majima lurches up off his stool threateningly, erupting into a nervous giggle mostly against his will. Yikes.
But luckily (?), Majima talks himself down in the most depressingly relatable way possible, so Zhao is spared from having to fight for his life just for accurately describing the situation. He is not spared, however, from Majima rudely turning the tables on him. "That's not— I don't— ah, fuck." Zhao has never been one to lie to himself for long, no matter how embarrassing the naked truth is.
Because, yeah. It's definitely just a smidge humiliating just how easily he got charmed by the same things about Kiryu. How quickly watching him do what Kasuga-kun does—sweep into someone's life and put everything to rights just because he happened to bump into them in the street—made him more than willing to do insane shit, like haul his ass to frozen fishing villages and almost get murked by the very Yakuza Legend drooping in the stool across from him now. He, Saeko and Nanba have even fondly commiserated over drinks at Survive more than a few times about how similar hanging out with Kiryu is to getting dragged along all throughout the city by Ichiban's wild, generous whims. (Seonhee usually tries her best to loyally defend his choices until getting deep enough in her cups that she comes out giggling over them too.)
It really is hard not to love Kiryu at least a little bit, after meeting him. And he's certainly not wrong about Kasuga having no idea how to handle women, if Saeko's horror story (dragged out into the open after both Nanba and Kiryu left Survive early one night, abandoning her to Zhao and Seonhee's tender, nosy mercies and combined high alcohol budget) is to be believed. Poor Majima. And for four decades...
A chill runs down Zhao's spine at the thought of being stuck in the purgatory of crushing on Kasuga unrequited for as long as he thinks Majima has done for Kiryu, so he decisively crosses the tiny kitchen like he's escaping from those very sad thoughts. Finding himself next to the stove as a result, he flicks the fire on under a wok, and plants his hands on his hips while waiting for it to get searing hot so he can finally start working his magic. "Okay. Listen. Just because that's how it is now, doesn't mean it has to be like that forever, man! You need a plan." Surely they can fix this, but they have to start soon, because... well. Kiryu's whole situation. Normally Zhao is a go-with-the-flow sort of guy, but with enough booze in his system he's flush with the drunken courage required to make some truly stupid plans. And so what if he's projecting? Shut up! "Take him on a date. Not a fight, a date." (He has met Majima, so the stipulation feels necessary.) "He doesn't have to know that's what it is at first, you know? What's his favorite restaurant?"
ON A DATE?! Majima freezes at that suggestion, not sure if he should fight or flee. Yeah, he loves Kiryu alright, but he can't say it is anything like that. Taking him on a date is totally out of the question. Kiryu definitely deserves love and dates and attention and all, but he deserves it from someone better, someone even a little bit good, not the flaming dumpster that is Majima.
His face is all red, and it probably isn't the alcohol as he tries to casually wave the suggestion off, rolling his eyes and scoffing. "Ain't no way!" That's not a 'no, I don't want to' or anything, just an observance of facts! He's down horrendously bad for Kiryu, but what would something like that even look like? "Guys like me don't go on no dates, and we sure as shit don't get no happy endings", he just can't help but say. He's just kind of resigned to the fact. Besides, he's got it pretty good anyway, right? Saejima and Daigo still hang out with him, and Kiryu is at least seeking treatment now. That's the best ending he can think of for himself. He's no yakuza anymore, and can just live out the rest of his life as like.... a fisherman, when he feels like working.
"I consider it a blessin' that I ain't gotta ride out old age behind bars. Besides, Kiryu-chan's gotta have better prospects than an old dog like me." Someone like him? Good looking, good natured, strong and convicted. He just goes around helping everyone he meets, anyone would be lucky to have him. Not like Majima, who has spent most of his life scamming or beating folks.
Zhao groans, throwing his arms up in the air in exasperation. He's about 10 seconds away from booing Majima for that response with no mercy at all for his old man gay panic, but he manages to reign it in at the last possible moment (so he doesn't get stabbed) and switch gears to: "Come on, man! Didn't we all just learn a big important lesson about trying for a better life instead of resigning ourselves to fate, or whatever?" This is maybe not exactly the application of that lesson that anyone expected, but well, why not?
Because, sure. Maybe Majima doesn't 'deserve' a happy ending, whatever that means, but people get shit they don't deserve all the time: both in good ways, and in bad ones. Even Kiryu seemed to think he deserved to wither away and die of cancer while still on his feet, working off some debt to the shadiest bunch of suits Zhao has ever met (he's been in organized crime his whole life, mind you) but they both know there's no just world in which that's true.
So he scoffs, even as he reaches for the cooking oil and pours some in the wok which is now thoroughly pre-heated. "Majima-san, that's stupid. Who else can even, like, get him? The shit he's seen would probably make a civvie run screaming." Shared life experience is not exactly a guarantee of romantic compatibility, but with how things go in their business, it seems like it would really help. "And anyway, I bet he's spent his whole life having to run around saving everyone's ass, all the time. He seems real scared of putting anyone other than himself in danger, now. But you can keep up with him." Zhao casually chucks the shelled shrimp into the wok next, and immediately gets them moving with a spatula to keep them from sticking down to the surface and shredding apart later. The smell of hot oil and seafood finally starts to take over the lingering scent of cleaning supplies throughout the tiny restaurant, and over the sound of metal scraping against metal, he tacks on the extremely important: "Plus, you're hot as fuck. Who's gonna beat that?"
Majima is ready to continue denying, but 1. he is drunk and 2. Zhao did call him hot. He can't help but be a little flattered. How many 60 year old dudes get called 'hot' just in their daily lives? Especially since Majima is not doing anything to look nice right now. He gets fully distracted, smirking and touching a hand to his chest as if he's surprised to hear it.
"I'm hot am I?" Yes, flatter him more. He is happy to single that out and not look down the barrel of 'who else could get Kiryu better than you?' "Ya think I'm the best-lookin' prospect that Kiryu-chan has, eh? What about that little Geomijul Queen?" Probably too young for Kiryu, but it's fine! She's an adult, she could handle it if she wanted to. Though he supposes that would also be the last thing Kiryu would want. She's got a criminal empire to run! "I think Kiryu-chan is more interested in women anyway." Excuses, excuses. Anything not to have to be so vulnerable.
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@deusexmajima
But Majima is only one of those three things, and it just so happens to be Zhao's favorite one. He's funny and capricious and rude too, which means he's just about perfect, by Zhao's (unfortunate) estimation.
And he's hot. Kiryu has the whole silver fox, hard body, perfect face thing going on. Ichiban is like a big exuberant puppy, rough and tumble and you're a bit head over heels before you even know it. But Majima is the licking blood off a blade sort of hot, which has always been Zhao's type, and it certainly doesn't hurt that seems allergic to closing any shirt or jacket that he wears. The fact that he's Kiryu's senior but he looks like that is actually insane, and the party have had a debate going in the group chat on how the fuck he's pulling that off since he arrived in town (much to Kasuga-kun's chagrin.)
So yeah, maybe he buys Majima a few rounds when he wanders in to Survive to find the man drinking alone. And then a few more after he gives what has to be the most... unique karaoke performance Zhao has ever seen. And then another couple for the hell of it because he's also drunk as fuck at that point and their very mysterious and even more exasperated bartender knows that of all the ragtag band of regulars that Adachi has inflicted upon him over the years, Zhao is the one who can actually cover an irresponsibly large tab when he comes in the next day. They still get kicked out after a handful of hours though, so Zhao coaxes, cajoles and corrals the Mad Dog into trekking through Ijincho's relatively spacious streets to his restaurant so he can cook something to soak up at least a little of the alcohol and keep them both from dying to atrocious hangovers in the morning. (And because he wants to impress the borderline mythical yakuza legend, sue him.)
He turns on Tian You's overhead light after slapping the wall next to the door a few times in search of the switch, and the old fluorescent tubes struggle and flicker for a few seconds before capitulating and illuminating the extremely humble interior of his little restaurant. It looks packed up for the night, stools turned upside-down and stacked on the two tables in the room, clean dishes and trays piled up by the sink, smelling like cleaning supplies instead of food or hot oil. Zhao grabs one of the stools off the tables and plops it onto the floor in front of the bar before scooting to the back to let Majima through too, since the place is not actually large enough for two grown men to walk into it side-by-side. "Majima-san~" he croons, slurred around the edges from excess drink as he slips around behind the counter and leans a hip against the sink to keep from toppling over. Despite his current state, he sounds plenty confident (and more than a little flirty, sue him again) when he offers: "What's your favorite Chinese food? I'll make the best version of it you've ever had."
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At first, Majima certainly just thinks they're breaking into someplace because he probably just didn't pay attention while Zhao unlocked the place, so he goes quiet, watching as the other guy turns on the lights and gets behind the counter. Oh, this is probably not criminal acts, huh? He just expected some crimes. Any night on the town can go in that direction, after all, especially between Majima and Zhao, two of Japan's crime-iest boys.
"Eh? Chinese food, huh?" Guess it makes sense. Zhao is that 'prince of the Liumang' or whatever, right? That offshoot from the Snake Flower Triad after they butted heads with the Tojo in Kamurocho. Hard to believe it, with the casual saunter and those shades that seem to be hiding his eyes, that slicked-back hairstyle that reads to Majima more as some young punk than a crime boss. But EH, Majima doesn't really care about that past or anything, it just puts some stuff into context, even in his jumbled up drunken brain. "How 'bout some chili shrimp, then?" he asks as he grabs the offered stool and climbs his way onto it, not without some struggle. Honestly, when even was the last time he had Chinese food?
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He also, very kindly, doesn't say anything about Majima's less than graceful clamber onto the stool. Hopefully the curtesy is returned, what with the clumsy, slow cuts he's making, and the way the shrimp seem to keep escaping his slippery fingers like they're alive. Minor details, all. "The bartender sure was pouring heavy tonight, huh?" he asks, having caught onto at least a little bit of the weird tension between their newest old guard friends and the mysterious man who has been mostly silently pouring them drinks for the past couple years (and occasionally helping Kasuga and Kiryu be nosy busybodies in their friend's lives.) "Generous of him, don't you think?" He should really not be fishing for details now, when there's no way he's going to remember them in the morning, but alas.
He moves on from the shrimp, and plucks a few red chilis out of their container, before eyeing Majima again over the tops of his tinted sunglasses (which have slid a bit down his nose.) "How hot can you handle, Majima-san?" He wiggles his eyebrows as he asks, because he's incorrigible.
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He sighs and leans onto the counter, watching Zhao but only barely, as something to keep his interest before he makes the comment on the strength of the drinks. Now normally he is at least thoughtful enough not to out someone who doesn't want to be outed, but while keeping him absolutely trashed was a great way for Majima to not bother the bartender directly, it does make his tongue a little more loose than it ought to be in his 'profession'. "He was just distractin' me. Seems he don't like seeing his old coworkers no more", he gives an exaggerated(and very fake) sniffle, frowning and resting his head in his arms. "Guy was never a big fan o' mine anyway. Still, can't believe he faked his death. Guess it's pretty fair, what with how the yakuza are bein' treated trying to get a job now that they're out." He is sure the guy has a fake name, otherwise how would he have gotten to own a bar like that? It's pretty roomy, considering the bars in Kamurocho, and heck! A bunch of the bars in Ijincho, too!
As for spice...
"I don't know, the regular amount???" He's no shrinking violet when it comes to spicy food, but for some reason all he can remember right now is Jeff and that weirdly spicy taco, and how it ended up with Majima on the ground, yelling about the spice. There are certainly UPPER limits to his tolerance. "Don't use no fuckin'.... devil's fingers or whatever."
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Or an idiot. One of those.
"You have to tell me everything. We've got a betting pool going in the group chat and I'll split the winnings with you! 70/30, your favor." It's like a piddly 500 yen or something because most of the party is dirt poor, but Majima doesn't need to know that. Zhao wants those bragging rights. "What's his name? It can't be Mr. Bartender, can it? Is he single?" Zhao is getting off track here. "Wait, wait— did he and Kiryu-san used to be a thing? They are so weird around each other!" He cannot ask Kiryu-san himself, because watching the two of them awkwardly interact is hilarious and he would hate to rock the boat so much that it stops happening when he's around.
At the mention of devil's fingers, Zhao's eyebrows pop up comically high above his sunglasses lenses. "Whoa, devil's claw? I'm not trying to kill you." Zhao will never forget the kimchi that Kasuga was hauling around back when he first joined up. It almost took him out, even wrecked his palette for days after. He'd think it was a prank, if it were anyone but Kasuga-kun who gave it to him.
With that chilling memory in mind, he glances over at the ingredients he'd pulled out, and puts back a couple of the peppers just to be safe. "You know, you remind me of Kasuga-kun way more than I thought you would." How do these Yakuza boys get themselves into so many shenanigans?
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"I don't know if Kiryu-chan has ever been kissed, nevermind having a thing with Kashiwagi", he drops the name like it's no big deal, but mostly he's just forgotten it was a secret. Enough alcohol will do that to ya. "Well, not that ya mention it, he mighta had a girl sometime in the early 2000s. But nah, that guy is... was? He was Kiryu's dad's right-hand man, kinda more like an uncle to him, I think." Majima honestly did not pay that much attention to Kiryu's other relationships. He knows Haruka alright because he kidnapped her once upon a time. Good times... but he's getting distracted! Majima shakes his head in an attempt to get it put on right. It doesn't work.
"I dunno what that's s'posed to mean, but ya better not be callin' me a dope", he says, pointing a finger accusingly! Kasuga is a good fighter! Majima can admit that much, but he's also a good kid(45yr old kid) and Majima is anything but 'a good kid'.
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That brings up some pretty insane possibilities. Like, what if Kiryu is not ignoring Seonhee's extremely obvious interest because he's polite, but because he doesn't realize?
Gears turn almost visibly behind Zhao's barely focused eyes. Kiryu-san, just give him one singular chance... "Just a girl? No guys?" Normally he wouldn't be so blatant—even he, looking like he does, tries for a little more plausible deniability when speaking with anyone in the business from prior generations—but he's drunk off his ass and like. Look at Majima. He's not that nervous about it. "Wait. Then, that means you two don't have a thing?" The Kiryu-chans and the don't you dare leave and the fact that he's here helping Ichiban at all, just because Kiryu demanded it... Kiryu definitely does not outrank Majima, even if he can still manage to out-fight him with some help. "Then what's with the whole—" He draws a circle through the air around Majima from his perspective with the tip of his knife, diced scallions still sticking to one side of it. What's with the whole everything about you, he's asking, but he's too sloshed to do it in as many words.
And maybe people (not naming names) in Kasuga-kun~ filled glass houses shouldn't throw stones, but never mind that. He strategically doesn't clarify what he meant either, with the comparison between the two of them. This stuff is way more important.
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Majima is from an older generation. A weirder one, one that doesn't acknowledge or even understand it's own feelings, so even just the insinuation means Majima has to do some thinking. And that's definitely not just the booze! He squints at Zhao, replaying the words in his head and the finger motions and all, trying to figure out what it means. He hates to assume, but the mix of being drunk and being the impulsive little shit that he is takes over once he thinks he's grasping the question.
He slams a hand onto the counter, craning his neck toward Zhao as he leans in like he might jump over the counter and ???? Start a fight maybe??? "What the hell do ya mean by that?!" he says and mocks the gesture Zhao did to him, pointing back at the guy and waggling his finger, blessedly not grabbing a knife to copy it more accurately.
"Kiryu-chan and I just respect each other a lot is all! He's strong, n' has a lotta conviction in his beliefs n' stuff! And I dunno, he must respect me too cuz he sometimes calls me up and relies on me for whatever!" That's all! It's respect! Respect is why Majima stalks Kiryu and pulls a knife on him and also jumps in front of knives for Kiryu and and and-
Okay, maybe he is a little obsessed. Majima flops back down in his seat, defeated. "Everyone loves Kiryu-chan. Hard not ta. Just get a load of the look on his face, always so serious. He puts everything into anythin' he does, never does anythin' by half-measures. Don't matter if it's fightin' fer his life, or karaoke, a shootout, or playin' a kid's racing game." It's not weird for him to think highly of Kiryu! Everyone does! Majima isn't special in that way! And he's not delusional enough to think that it goes both ways. Sure, it isn't like he's not important to Kiryu, but he sure as hell isn't any more important than anyone else to him. Kiryu loves everyone equally, Majima thinks. Ugh. Gross. He hates the fact that he might wish it were otherwise, so he will just stuff that feeling down somewhere.
"It's like Kasuga with you guys, right? The guy has a draw to him, but wouldn't know how to handle a woman if his life depended on it. Or a man, probably."
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But luckily (?), Majima talks himself down in the most depressingly relatable way possible, so Zhao is spared from having to fight for his life just for accurately describing the situation. He is not spared, however, from Majima rudely turning the tables on him. "That's not— I don't— ah, fuck." Zhao has never been one to lie to himself for long, no matter how embarrassing the naked truth is.
Because, yeah. It's definitely just a smidge humiliating just how easily he got charmed by the same things about Kiryu. How quickly watching him do what Kasuga-kun does—sweep into someone's life and put everything to rights just because he happened to bump into them in the street—made him more than willing to do insane shit, like haul his ass to frozen fishing villages and almost get murked by the very Yakuza Legend drooping in the stool across from him now. He, Saeko and Nanba have even fondly commiserated over drinks at Survive more than a few times about how similar hanging out with Kiryu is to getting dragged along all throughout the city by Ichiban's wild, generous whims. (Seonhee usually tries her best to loyally defend his choices until getting deep enough in her cups that she comes out giggling over them too.)
It really is hard not to love Kiryu at least a little bit, after meeting him. And he's certainly not wrong about Kasuga having no idea how to handle women, if Saeko's horror story (dragged out into the open after both Nanba and Kiryu left Survive early one night, abandoning her to Zhao and Seonhee's tender, nosy mercies and combined high alcohol budget) is to be believed. Poor Majima. And for four decades...
A chill runs down Zhao's spine at the thought of being stuck in the purgatory of crushing on Kasuga unrequited for as long as he thinks Majima has done for Kiryu, so he decisively crosses the tiny kitchen like he's escaping from those very sad thoughts. Finding himself next to the stove as a result, he flicks the fire on under a wok, and plants his hands on his hips while waiting for it to get searing hot so he can finally start working his magic. "Okay. Listen. Just because that's how it is now, doesn't mean it has to be like that forever, man! You need a plan." Surely they can fix this, but they have to start soon, because... well. Kiryu's whole situation. Normally Zhao is a go-with-the-flow sort of guy, but with enough booze in his system he's flush with the drunken courage required to make some truly stupid plans. And so what if he's projecting? Shut up! "Take him on a date. Not a fight, a date." (He has met Majima, so the stipulation feels necessary.) "He doesn't have to know that's what it is at first, you know? What's his favorite restaurant?"
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His face is all red, and it probably isn't the alcohol as he tries to casually wave the suggestion off, rolling his eyes and scoffing. "Ain't no way!" That's not a 'no, I don't want to' or anything, just an observance of facts! He's down horrendously bad for Kiryu, but what would something like that even look like? "Guys like me don't go on no dates, and we sure as shit don't get no happy endings", he just can't help but say. He's just kind of resigned to the fact. Besides, he's got it pretty good anyway, right? Saejima and Daigo still hang out with him, and Kiryu is at least seeking treatment now. That's the best ending he can think of for himself. He's no yakuza anymore, and can just live out the rest of his life as like.... a fisherman, when he feels like working.
"I consider it a blessin' that I ain't gotta ride out old age behind bars. Besides, Kiryu-chan's gotta have better prospects than an old dog like me." Someone like him? Good looking, good natured, strong and convicted. He just goes around helping everyone he meets, anyone would be lucky to have him. Not like Majima, who has spent most of his life scamming or beating folks.
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Because, sure. Maybe Majima doesn't 'deserve' a happy ending, whatever that means, but people get shit they don't deserve all the time: both in good ways, and in bad ones. Even Kiryu seemed to think he deserved to wither away and die of cancer while still on his feet, working off some debt to the shadiest bunch of suits Zhao has ever met (he's been in organized crime his whole life, mind you) but they both know there's no just world in which that's true.
So he scoffs, even as he reaches for the cooking oil and pours some in the wok which is now thoroughly pre-heated. "Majima-san, that's stupid. Who else can even, like, get him? The shit he's seen would probably make a civvie run screaming." Shared life experience is not exactly a guarantee of romantic compatibility, but with how things go in their business, it seems like it would really help. "And anyway, I bet he's spent his whole life having to run around saving everyone's ass, all the time. He seems real scared of putting anyone other than himself in danger, now. But you can keep up with him." Zhao casually chucks the shelled shrimp into the wok next, and immediately gets them moving with a spatula to keep them from sticking down to the surface and shredding apart later. The smell of hot oil and seafood finally starts to take over the lingering scent of cleaning supplies throughout the tiny restaurant, and over the sound of metal scraping against metal, he tacks on the extremely important: "Plus, you're hot as fuck. Who's gonna beat that?"
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"I'm hot am I?" Yes, flatter him more. He is happy to single that out and not look down the barrel of 'who else could get Kiryu better than you?' "Ya think I'm the best-lookin' prospect that Kiryu-chan has, eh? What about that little Geomijul Queen?" Probably too young for Kiryu, but it's fine! She's an adult, she could handle it if she wanted to. Though he supposes that would also be the last thing Kiryu would want. She's got a criminal empire to run! "I think Kiryu-chan is more interested in women anyway." Excuses, excuses. Anything not to have to be so vulnerable.